How To Have a Good Fight

This is the first installment in a series on How To Have a Good Fight from my notes during sermons by Pastor Adam Ayers of Faith Worship Community. Pastor Adam says, "If we do not learn the skill of negotiating through conflict, relational destruction or separation is inevitable." Consider keeping this list of rules as a reference, reviewing it, and then having good fights.

Rule #1 Know What You're Fighting About - there is that moment in a fight when you decide whether or not to move to another issue that can give you an advantage. You might pick up another issue and hit them with it because you're losing on the first one, fighting back with, "and another thing...", "but you always..."

Know what you're fighting about and...

Rule #2 Stick With It - don't stack up the issues. For example, you're fighting about being considerate, which might involve whether or not you put the toilet seat down. Know that what you're fighting about is being considerate and don't change the subject to irresponsibility, retaliating with, "well, you're never on time...", or "you always spend...". Don't start one thing then step over to another one.

Know what you're fighting about and stick with it. It's very tempting in the middle of an argument to grasp at anything and start throwing it into the pot.

That's enough for today. Stay tuned...